He’s Always Been Faithful

YouTube Link of Sara Groves Song

I woke up early this morning … REALLY EARLY … 5 am. Changes are coming … big ones … you know the type I mean. I tried to sleep … thoughts kept running through my head. I wasn't expecting these changes and if I'd had it my way I would have somehow avoided them. Changes that will make life – for a time … uncomfortable. Changes that will require extra energy, extra time, extra work, extra appointments … And I'm exhausted just thinking of them.

I've been strong this week in the face of these coming changes. I've done all I knew to do, was responsible to take action where it was needed, but I was weary … Weary? So why was I awake at 5 am??!!

Somewhere in the activity of this past week, in the business of all that needed attending to, the decisions that needed to be made … in the output of so much energy …I DID hear him encouraging me, I waited on him, prayed to him, asked for guidance, was inspired, was lead and directed. And yet here I was awake at 5 am … on a Saturday no less!!

And so I rolled out of bed – reassured my worried husband that I was (mostly) fine - and made my way to the cold dark kitchen, and to my laptop to find a distraction from the thoughts that were hounding my head and my heart.

I'll be honest … I wasn't necessarily searching for a 'divine intervention'. And yet … that is what exactly what God came to bring me. To really appreciate what God did here … you first have to know something about me.

One of the dearest hymns to my heart has been 'Great is Thy Faithfulness'. Over the years I've sung this song in a small church in northern Saskatchewan when I was still young and naive to what life would still hold for me. Over the years, it's deepened in its poignancy, as I have been witness to the faithfulness of God's character … in so many people's lives, but especially in mine. This song has become my anthem, a life song … and it goes to very deep places in me. It can turn my worried and anxious heart to one of peace and calm in a moment. I've sung this song in quiet moments when I felt sure and safe; it was one Mike and I chose to have sung it at our wedding; and I hope someone remembers to have it sung at my funeral. It is probably the truest testimony of God that I know.

So in the middle of my morning, my searching for a distraction - a distraction from the leftovers of a wearying week … I came across an artist, Sara Groves. I've heard her name, but wasn't familiar with anything she'd sung. So there was no reason why I was searching her songs in particular. I randomly surfed and aimlessly searched … I had no idea that God had, the whole time been guiding my clicking to this very song … 'He's Always Been Faithful to Me' … nor did I realize the connection it had to my favourite hymn 'Great is thy faithfulness'. Not until I was able to hear a full version of the song.

As I listened, with tears streaming down my face … dripping off my nose (LOL) … I realized that God sent me a personal letter for my early morning restlessness. It had my name on it and was marked 'Personal and Confidential'. How did I know it was JUST for me? He used the first line of Sara's song 'Great is Thy Faithfulness' --- It caught my attention, that is sung in a simple way to say 'I know you! I know what you need! Right now … in this moment, and I'm here to provide just what you need'. Beyond the first line, woven in and out of that old familiar song, were these new words that reminded me once again of the absoluteness of his faithfulness. And my heart sang with it ... from a deep place inside me … from a place that knew how God could quiet concerns of the immediate; plans to be made; the to-do lists; and the 'what ifs' and 'what if nots'.

'All I have need of .. His hand will provide. He's always been faithful ….
He's always been faithful …
He's always been faithful … to me'. 

You know in the bible David at times seems like he has two personalities. One that is human and weak and failable. And one that commands his soul, reminding it, chastising it, getting its attention 'In God, whose word I praise, in God I trust; I will not be afraid. What can mortal man do to me?' and to praise him in the middle of hardship with 'Why are you downcast, O my soul? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him Ps 42:5'.

And so it was with me as I listened and cried. The tears were not just because he had interrupted my search for a distraction … but because I felt the personal and loving hand of God, my father. Concerned with every detail I am concerned for. His personal knowledge of what that song meant to me, he used to send me a clear message: that he was watching over, not only my circumstances, but my poor weary heart. He was waiting for me at my kitchen table at 5 am … with just what I needed to face the rest of my day, and my week, and the days ahead.

Interestingly, the sun is up now … and I can see across the field behind our house, what I couldn't see at 5 am. And I hear God whispering to me … 'I will make all things clear, in my time, and I continue to be faithful to all of your needs.'

HE'S ALWAYS BEEN FAITHFUL TO ME
Sara Groves, Conversations CD
YouTube Link of Sara Groves Song

Great is thy faithfulness, Lord, unto me

Morning by morning I wake up to find
The power and comfort of God's hand in mine
Season by season I watch Him, amazed
In awe of the mystery of His perfect ways

All I have need of, His hand will provide
He's always been faithful to me
I can't remember a trial or a pain
He did not recycle to bring me gain
I can't remember one single regret
In serving God only, and trusting His hand

All I have need of, His hand will provide
He's always been faithful to me

This is my anthem, this is my song
The theme of the stories Ive heard for so long
God has been faithful, He will be again
His loving compassion, it knows no end

All I have need of, His hand will provide
He's always been faithful, He's always been faithful
He's always been faithful to me
..

Originally written February 2, 2008

Stand

If there was ever a song with my name on it ... this is it. Funny how much more I would come to understand these lyrics in a way that I never thought I could. Walking in cold places of doubt, fear, unknown change, struggle, pain ... can cause you to question the one thing you thought you knew that you knew ... his presence in your life. I can attest to the fact that he was faithful not to leave me there in that cold windy place ... he spoke a simple word to my heart "Stand" ... Stand???? Why stand, Lord ...don't you see how I'm trying to keep warm, I'm trying to get to where I'm going (where ever that is???), I'm trying with everything I HAVE to just make it through each day ... and again it would come back upon my heart "Stand" ... and so in a moment of seeming insanity ... I obeyed his voice ... and simply .... stood ... still ... Amidst my circumstances - without anything changing --- I stood ... and in a moment ... he was there ... right beside me ...

Looking down the hill I just walked up, struggling ... I could see the imprint of his steps right next to mine. And clearly I knew I wasn't climbing alone. It wasn't with everything I HAD that I made it that far ... it was because he was there with me the whole way. I didn't see him when I was struggling ... why? Because of a sense that I was not deserving of such a gift of his grace ... that the God of heaven and earth would chose to walk beside me - knowing me as well as he did (and I believe he knows it ALL) ... BUT HE DID ... day in and day out ... step by every single heartbroken step ...

What do you do in a moment like this? You need to do something to remember this place, so that every time you think you are walking alone you can remember the spot where he simply said to your heart "Stand" ... the place you knew, I mean really knew, you'd never be forsaken or forgotten by him. Realizing how blinded you were by the storm and the cold. Stand ... because he is GRACE ... realize that you don't need to spend time and energy earning his presence ... he's there because he lives within you. What do you to remember such a place? Simply put ... do as those who loved him and knew him did long ago ... build an alter ... a place to sacrifice something of worth to a God that deserves more than we could ever give him ... and what do you place on that alter? The only thing he really wants ... the song from the deepest part of your soul ... why a song - because it's the rhythm of your heart, your soul, your being --- and let it sing the song that sings his praise for who he is. And you'll find you'll sing this song in every storm, on every hillside, in every trial ... and you'll remember ... he was with you!

"STAND" by Susan Ashton

With visible breath, I'm calling your name
With visible tracks, I'm finding my way
With a sorrowful heart, I honor this pain
And offer these tears to the rain
In a moment of truth at the top of the hill
I open my arms and let go of my will

And stand with my face to the wind
With the storm beating down on this sacred ground
If I stand for the grace that I've known
For what I believe
Then I won't stand alone
No I won't stand alone

There's a new pair of eyes to embrace all I see
A new peace of mind and it comes quietly
There's a joy in my heart that you've given to me
And I offer this soul's melody

So I beat on my chest till my song has been sung
And I cry like a wolf at the top of my lungs

And stand with my face to the wind
With the storm beating down on this sacred ground
If I stand for the grace that I've known
For what I believe
Then I won't stand alone
No I won't stand alone

When the thundering voices of doubt try to shake my faith, oh
I'll be listening from inside out and I won't be afraid to

Stand with my face to the wind
With the storm beating down on this sacred ground
If I stand for the grace that I've known
For what I believe
Then I won't stand alone
No I won't stand...I won't stand alone
 

Praise you in the Storm / Stained Glass Masquerade / Love Them Like Jesus

This afternoon I stopped by Salem Storehouse, our Christian bookstore here in Ottawa. A friend had given me a CD for my birthday that I already had, and graciously allowed me to return it for another. In searching for a replacement I came across a live CD of a group that I love called Casting Crowns (http://www.castingcrowns.tv/) - something about their overall presentation has drawn me to them since the first sampling. I love their sound - strong, tight, solid, driving ... but more than that ... I love the sense of 'real life' they have - mixed with the true heart of Jesus. They challenge us to BE the heart of Jesus to others ...

What does that mean? It means a heart that isn't afraid to walk into the middle of someone's pain and suffering. Its imperfections, its failures ... its grays ... its disappointments ... its lack of answers and fairness... I've been a Christian now for ... hmmmm ... (2006 - 1977 = 29) 29 years (I don't say that to boast by any means - because in God's terms - years doesn't always mean maturity!).

I've heard so many sermons, I hate to think of all that I'm responsible for hearing, and have probably only applied to my life less than 1/4 of them... if that! I've been in ministry and so know both sides of the "Christian" picture ... the good and the bad ... the disappointing harshness of human nature vs. the wonderful grace of God. I've been just as guilty about sheepishly withdrawing from those painful situations in other's lives that I didn't understand, or have answers to. I've questioned the issue of grace vs. law as much as anyone. But honestly - the older I got, the more pain I saw in the lives of people around me - some self inflicted, some not. But what I always got from the picture that scripture paints of Jesus was that he always rushed in, where others feared to tread.

As time passed more friends I knew were faced with difficult situations, and I was - with every situation - given the test of which side to fall on ... law or Grace. I didn't always know which scripture it was that could back me - but I had the character and nature of who God was --- and that gave me enough reason to err on the side of Grace. And I'm glad today I did ... because Grace allowed me to be witness to their transformation from hurt to healing. But even in that - it was easier to be on the side of giving compassion --- than on the side of one needing compassion. Little did I know that in time, my understanding of that Grace would be put to the test.... and I would be the one needing compassion?

In 2003 my world was turned upside-down when my 22 year marriage faced the truth - it had died long before the 22nd year. Though not without good efforts to bring it back to life ... facing the truth of that was devastating - and one of the hardest things I've ever had to do. The steps I've had to walk since then have been both the most real blessing I've known and a painful eye opening experience.

I've learned that there were and still are people in my life that will stand by me at any cost - even if it wasn't easy for them to do so, and if they themselves were criticized for doing so ... they were with me in the darkest days, and were to me - the heart of Jesus - until my heart could feel him again. I also learned what it was like to be the focus of the critical eye of those who had a difficult time 'coping' with my tragedy - overlooking my massive internal emotional bleeding, as they struggled to 'deal' with my 'situation', finally choosing the 'exit' door as the best way to 'deal'.

By the way ... this brings me to a beef I have ... where are the books on recovery from divorce in the Christian world? There's a ton of them in the regular book stores! Oh, I know there are a few ... but very few. With all the stats we hear today on divorce, let alone Christian divorce ... there must be so many hurting people - living with guilt, condemnation and false judgment ... that need to know God's grace in the middle of this loss ... and still we wonder why our churches merely recycle members from one church to another - or why attendance is lower than it should be? .... hmmmm

The ending of a marriage is a death - to both people involved ... we morn every other death, come from miles to be near them, gather around them as they cry, bring food to those left behind, stand beside those who are barely able to stand at that time. But with divorce ... it's a taboo thing - associated with a public sin.... and so we step away - just as the Pharisees did with the woman caught in adultery ... it's simply too uncomfortable. And maybe the reason for the lack of comfort is a God given conviction that for many of us "There but by the grace of God goes I!"

I'm grateful for those in my life that didn't abandon me --- but kept the heart of Jesus beating in their chests as they prayerfully walked with me, even if all I could feel at the time was the reverberation of his heart in them ... it kept him close to me.

My innocent understanding that every Christian had 'minimally' at their core, the grace and absolute unconditional love of Jesus - was ultimately, and necessarily shattered - from those who didn't know better to those who should have. I've been surprised at times where it came from. Though with time - the shock has gotten to be less. It's a simple reality for me now, as even the presence of some family members has evaporated, lost in their need to 'cope' with my loss and failure of my marriage.

Do you know that even with all I've lost - if you were to ask me today if I'd go back to what I lived in before - a marriage of facade, with its unhealthy reality - I would make the same decision today? I'm thankful that God gave me enough courage to do what needed to be done - and face what needed to be exposed. I am left with a sense of loss - loss of family, loss of friends, and loss of trust in people (though is that a bad thing? The jury's out. After all scripture warns about trusting in the arm of flesh - or man - rather "We will trust in the name of the Lord our God!") --- The loss of innocence. Still, as I sat the other night over supper with the faithful friend who gave me that CD for my birthday - for the first time, I said out loud - "I like who I am today ... I like that I am more the authentic me than I've ever been." The cost was large ... but the end result ... a gift - redeemed by a God that promised nothing less for lives in ruin - redemption.

But back to today, as I was driving in my car with tears rolling down my cheeks, and listening to these songs, I knew His voice - and that unmistakable sense that he wants me to 'get SOMETHING here' .... He wanted me to hear ---- that no matter who stands and falls next to me - he won't be one of the ones that exit, evaporates, shrinks away or judges - he will walk in - when others walk out --- in the middle of the chaos and confusion, in the middle of the darkness and lack of answers, in the pain, the shame, the sadness, and the recovery ... I am coming to learn in such a deeper way - something I heard and even said so many times, but KNOW better now ... he alone is truly faithful, able to give perfect unfailing love, ever embracing, ever unfailing, ever merciful, ever abounding in grace ... and because of this ... my heart is healed and healing ... Thank you, Casting Crowns - for hearing the voice of God, and translating it into music - so that more of us can hear the 'Voice of Truth'. The Voice of the One that longs to pick up every one of his children who have been left behind by confused 'christians' who will in all likelihood at some point need the same Grace and compassion they fell short of giving. "God, we humbly ask that you reverberate in our hearts your Grace and compassion at all times - to those deserving, and especially to those who aren't - so that all would come to know true GRACE."

"I guess what God is showing me is that sometimes he calms the storms in our lives, and sometimes he rides the waves with us, but either way - blessed be the name of the Lord ..." Mark Hall, lead singer of Casting Crowns.


Praise You in This Storm
words by Mark Hall/music by Mark Hall and Bernie Herms

I was sure by now, God You would have reached down
and wiped my tears away,
stepped in and saved the day.
But once again, I say amen
and it's still raining
as the thunder rolls
I barely hear You whisper through the rain,
"I'm with you"
and as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise
the God who gives and takes away.

Chorus:
And I'll praise you in this storm
and I will lift my hands
for You are who You are
no matter where I am
and every tear I've cried
You hold in your hand
You never left my side
and though my heart is torn
I will praise You in this storm

I remember when I stumbled in the wind
You heard my cry to You
and raised me up again
my strength is almost gone how can I carry on
if I can't find You
and as the thunder rolls
I barely hear You whisper through the rain
"I'm with you"
and as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise
the God who gives and takes away

Chorus

I lift my eyes unto the hills
where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord, the maker of heaven and earth
I lift my eyes unto the hills
where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord, the maker of heaven and earth

Chorus

More from the same CD ... with the same heart ... and oh how true - as one who has been on both sides now of the pulpit and the pew ... so so true!

"My grace is sufficient for you - my power is made perfect in your weakness. Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weakness because I know that the power of Christ rests in me. That's why for Christ's sake I will delight in my weakness and in my hardship and in my difficulties because when I am weak, then I am strong."~ Paul

"What I think we need to hear from each other is that 'we are broken people made whole'. I don't think it bothers the world that we sin, I think it bothers them that we act like we don't. The best way to walk with Jesus is to show what kind of losers he can change and the people he can use."





"Stained Glass Masquerade"

Is there anyone that fails
Is there anyone that falls
Am I the only one in church today feelin' so small

Cause when I take a look around
Everybody seems so strong
I know they'll soon discover
That I don't belong

So I tuck it all away, like everything's okay
If I make them all believe it, maybe I'll believe it too
So with a painted grin, I play the part again
So everyone will see me the way that I see them

Are we happy plastic people
Under shiny plastic steeples
With walls around our weakness
And smiles to hide our pain
But if the invitation's open
To every heart that has been broken
Maybe then we close the curtain
On our stained glass masquerade

Is there anyone who's been there
Are there any hands to raise
Am I the only one who's traded
In the altar for a stage

The performance is convincing
And we know every line by heart
Only when no one is watching
Can we really fall apart

But would it set me free
If I dared to let you see
The truth behind the person
That you imagine me to be

Would your arms be open
Or would you walk away
Would the love of Jesus
Be enough to make you stay

And this is just such a simple answer to "What do we do?" for those who we don't know how to BE with in the midst of their pain --- And yet, it's such a simple calling ... to all of us ... 'Love them like Jesus" ... I know, this is all I longed for from those people in my life that "struggled" with my struggle ... I challenge you, as I challenge myself ... don't step away from the people around you in pain because of your discomfort ... just be with them ... and if Jesus is in you, 'being there' is loving them like Jesus would.



Love Them Like Jesus

The love of her life is drifting away
They're losing the fight for another day
The life that she's known is falling apart
A fatherless home, a child's broken heart

You're holding her hand, you're straining for words
You trying to make - sense of it all
She's desperate for hope, darkness clouding her view
She's looking to you

Just love her like Jesus, carry her to Him
His yoke is easy, His burden is light
You don't need the answers to all of life's questions
Just know that He loves her and stay by her side
Love her like Jesus
Love her like Jesus

The gifts lie in wait, in a room painted blue
Little blessing from Heaven would be there soon
Hope fades in the night, blue skies turn to gray
As the little one slips away

You're holding her hand, you're straining for words
You're trying to make sense of it all
They're desperate for hope, darkness clouding their view
They're looking to you

Just love them like Jesus, carry them to Him
His yoke is easy, His burden is light
You don't need the answers to all of life's questions
Just know that He loves them and stay by their side
Love them like Jesus

Lord of all creation holds our lives in His hands
The God of all the nations holds our lives in His hands
The Rock of our salvation holds our lives in His hands
He cares for them just as He cares for you

So love them like Jesus, love them like Jesus
You don't need the answers to all of life's questions
Just know that He loves them and stay by their side
Love them like Jesus
Love them like Jesus

Less Like Scars ...

How cool that this video starts with my life verse ... JER 29:11 ... love the HOPE that verse holds ... a reminder that no matter where or how I see myself, he is always aware of what lies ahead, he's not discouraged or un-nerved by things that come my way, or bad decisions I make ... he doesn't stop believing in the one HE created me to be. He still sees the potential ...

This video could very much be my Blog theme song. Most of the difficult days are behind me now, and healing days are still ahead of me, it may take longer than I think it should! Go figure!!

Sometimes I see no changes at all... impatient ... sometimes I wonder if any healing is happening at all. It's usually only when I am looking around at the immediate and the most recent that I see no progress. It's hard to see any changes from that vantage point. But every so often, He gives me a higher and wider perspective - a vantage point that allows me to see the disappointment that's been turned into acceptance, the hurt that's been turned to grace and forgiveness, and the valuable lessons learned not from a life of perfection ... but a life lived --- searching for and finding Him in the rubble, seeing his purpose in the scars ...

Did you ever wonder why God doesn't always allow scars to heal? Sometimes he wants us to remember that healing does come ... and the scar is proof!

I can say with contentment and reassurance today ... so much of the pain I knew only years ago is looking less like the pain I thought I'd never know an end to ... and more like his purpose and character in my life. As strange as it may sound ... I won't pray the scars completely disappear ... because I want to remember what he's done for me.

Less Like Scars
by Sara Groves

It's been a hard year
But I'm climbing out of the rubble
These lessons are hard, Healing changes are subtle

But every day it's...

Less like tearing more like building
Less like captive more like willing
Less like breakdown more like surrender
Less like haunting more like remember

And I feel you here
And you're picking up the pieces
Forever faithful
It seemed out of my hands a bad situation
But you are able
And in your hands the pain and hurt
look less like scars and more like character

Less like a prison a prison more like my room
Less like a casket more like a womb
Less like dying more like transcending
Less like fear, less like an ending

And I feel you here
And you're picking up the pieces
Forever faithful
It seemed out of my hands a bad situation
But you are able
And in your hands the pain and hurt
look less like scars

Just a little while ago
I couldn't feel the power or the hope
I couldn't cope, I couldn't feel a thing
Just a little while back
I was desperate, broken, laid out
Hoping you would come

And I need you
And I want you here
And I feel you...

And I know you're here
And you're picking up the pieces
Forever faithful
It seemed out of my hands a bad situation
But you are able
And in your hands the pain and hurt
look less like scars
And in your hands the pain and hurt
look less like scars
And in your hands the pain and hurt

look less like scars
And more like character

You're Gonna Be - For my kids!

I'm somewhat sentimental today as I've just spent some time looking over pics of my kids from the time they were young until recent days. What I know? I've been blessed ... not for any reason that I deserve. Oh, I know --- I tried as much as I knew to do as a parent, like all of us do - some days I failed miserably, and some days I got it right --- but that is why the Grace of God is really the reason I've been blessed with two kids who shine ... they shine in their love for Jesus (and there's a good reason why they probably did turn out so well!!!) and they shine in their love for each other ... and shine in who they are in this world.

I know, like any teen - they have days when they question who they are ... why they are here ... and all the struggles that come with being that age ... wondering will they ever know the answers to these questions. I know they'll find the answers. Why? Partly because I'm their mom ... and I can see all these amazing things in them ... but mostly because God always answers those kinds of questions - in his time ... he's faithful that way ... how do I know this? He did it for me ... and continues to do it. (Heaven knows I ain't done!!!)

So I dedicate this blog/song to them ... I love you both - BIG!

YOU'RE GONNA BE

8lbs and 5oz. lookin' up at me
Like I have all the answers
I hope I have the ones you need
I've never really done this, now I know what scared is

Sometimes I'll protect you from everything that's wrong
Other times I'll let you just find out on your own
But that's when you'll be growin',
And the whole time I'll be knowin

CHORUS:

You're gonna fly with every dream you chase
You're gonna cry, but know that that's okay
Sometimes life's not fair, but if you hang in there
You're gonna see that sometimes bad is good
We just have to believe things work out like they should
Life has no guarantees, but always loved by me
You're gonna be
 
I'm afraid you'll have to suffer through
some of my mistakes
Lord knows I'll be trying to give you what it takes
What it takes to know the difference
Between getting by and livin'

'Cause anything worth doing is worth doing all the way
Just know you'll have to live with all
the choices that you make
So make sure you're always givin' way
more than you're takin'

REPEAT CHORUS

Someone's everything
You're gonna see
Just what you are to me

You're gonna fly with every dream you chase
We just have to believe things work out like they should
Life has no guarantees, but always loved by me
You're gonna be
Always loved by me

Originally posted: October 24, 2006

I Can Only Imagine

So you want to know who I am and what makes me tick? Some days, so do I. Well, if either of us need a clue - here is one. The song 'I Can Only Imagine' - sung by a number of different groups - Mercy Me, Amy Grant and the version playing in the background - Wynonna Judd (go figure!). 

Like some songs that get too much airplay - I had become tired of this song for that reason alone. I actually sang it at a friend's wedding so had to listen and sing it all the more to practice for the big day. 

Don't get me wrong - it's not the words, just the over use of them ... then one day, I sat at my computer and was searching for some other song by Wynonna Judd and up came 'I Can Only Imagine' ... funny how God works. 

I'd seen Wynonna a couple of times on TV giving a very honest and heart revealing tell of what kind of a hell she's been through in the past few years ... some of which I identified with ... wonder how many other people did also ... and in her search she found one true and lasting love ... Jesus. 

When I heard her sing this song it brought back not only the story I heard her tell - but my own connection to the sense that no matter what all happens in this life time ... one day we all stand before Jesus and as everything else fades into meaninglessness ... we'll look into the eyes of the one true and pure love we have ever known ... I can only imagine, what that will be like ....

I Can Only Imagine

I can only imagine what it will be like, when I walk by Your side...
I can only imagine, what my eyes will see, when Your Face is before me!
I can only imagine. I can only imagine.

Surrounded by Your Glory, what will my heart feel?

Will I dance for you, Jesus? Or in awe of You, be still?
Will I stand in Your presence, or to my knees will I fall?
Will I sing 'Hallelujah!'? Will I be able to speak at all?
I can only imagine! I can only imagine!

I can only imagine, when that day comes, when I find myself standing in the Son!
I can only imagine, when all I will do, is forever, forever worship You!
I can only imagine! I can only imagine!

Surrounded by Your Glory, what will my heart feel?Will I dance for you, Jesus? Or in awe of You, be still?
Will I stand in Your presence, or to my knees will I fall?
Will I sing 'Hallelujah!'? Will I be able to speak at all?
I can only imagine! Yeah! I can only imagine!

Surrounded by Your Glory, what will my heart feel?
Will I dance for you, Jesus? Or in awe of You, be still?
Will I stand in Your presence, or to my knees will I fall?
Will I sing 'Hallelujah!'? Will I be able to speak at all?
I can only imagine! Yeah! I can only imagine!
 
I can only imagine! Yeah! I can only imagine!! Only imagine!!!
I can only imagine.

I can only imagine, when all I do is forever, forever worship You!
I can only imagine.'

Originally posted:June 24, 2006

Do It Anyway

Recently, some very good friends of mine were going through an unfounded and uninvited questioning of their character, in a very public way. This came more from the sad and insecure personal issues of another, who - in my estimation - felt threatened and envious of the respect these people have earned - from many who know them. Week in and week out ... as I sat over coffee I would hear the pain this situation was causing their hearts. It broke mine to watch this.

Life isn't fair, is it? 'LIFE SHOULD BE FAIR'- I don't think I ever signed up for that subscription!!! Somewhere along the line, something made me think it should be! SHOULD BE? There's that word ... 'Should' ... I've learned not to trust it when I say it, it's highly problematic ... why? Because who am I in God's will to say what 'should' be? ... Hoping, praying and having faith that something 'might be' ... is another thing.

Be careful when you hear yourself say 'They should have ... it should have ... you should have ... I should have' dangerous words those. Long and short - none of us escapes the hit of unfairness. And my friends were right in the middle of a situation they didn't do anything to earn or warrant. It wasn't fair...

I was at work one night, thinking (and praying) for them ... that they'd be strong, that God would protect them and bring truth. I was feeling unable to help them in any practical way that would immediately change anything. Then I heard this song ... and I knew God had given me a way to encourage them. I sent them the song and the lyrics... ....

By the way, God did rescue them, and has brought truth again. I'm happy to say that in it all I never saw them quit - quit in their character, or in their desire to live to please God. The stood in and under the protective hand of God, and are an inspiration to me. In the face of false accusation --- they lived to please and to praise God ANYWAY.

Sometimes God's requirement of us is 'Do it ANYWAY' ... in the face of false accusations 'Do It ANYWAY', in the face of misunderstanding 'Do it ANYWAY', in heartbreak and heartache 'Do It ANYWAY' ... Not because you SHOULD, because for all he has done for you ... all he asks is to do all he has called you to ANYWAY ... your reward is from Him and he never is unfair! ....

DO IT ANYWAY

Martina McBride 

You can spend your time building
something from nothing
one storm can come and blow it all away,
Build it anyway

You can chase a dream that seems so out of reach
And you know it might not ever come your way
Dream it anyway
 
God is great
But sometimes life ain't good
And when I pray it doesn't always turn
out like I think it should
But I do it anyway,
I do it anyway

This world's gone crazy
and it's getting harder to beleive,
that tomorrow will be better than today,
Believe it anyway
 
You can love someone with all your heart
for all the right reasons,
and then in a moment they can choose
to walk away,
Love them anyway

God is great
But sometimes life ain't good
And when I pray
It doesn't always turn out like I think it should
But I do it anyway
Yea I do it anyway 

You can pour out singing - a song you beleive in
that tomorrow they'll forget you ever sang
Sing it anyway,
Yea sing it anyway
 
I sing ....

I dream ...

I love ....

Anyway

.............................................................................................................................

People are unreasonable, illogical and self-centered,
Love them anyway.

If you do good, people may accuse you of selfish motives,
Do good anyway.

If you are successful, you may win false friends and true enemies,
Succeed anyway.

The good you do today may be forgotten tomorrow,
Do good anyway.

Honesty and transparency make you vulnerable,
Be honest and transparent anyway.

What you spend years building may be destroyed overnight,
Build anyway.

People who really want help may attack you if you help them,
Help them anyway.

Give the world the best you have and you may get hurt,
Give the world your best anyway.

The world is full of conflict,
Choose peace of mind anyway.

- Mother Theresa

Voice of Truth

Upon first hearing this song ... it took my heart captive. Why because it is the prayer I pray over and over on one hand ... and the reply he gives me over and over on the other. The Chorus ... something I need to come back to many times so that it gets deep into me ... after all isn't WHO your listening to the critical thing? And he is the Voice of Truth. Sometimes less is more ... praying you'll hear what He says about you as you listen to this one ...

The Voice of Truth
Casting Crowns

Oh what I would do to have
The kind of faith it takes
to climb out of this boat I'm in
On to the crashing waves

To step out of my comfort zone
Into the realm of the unknown where Jesus is
And He's holding out His hand

But the waves are calling out my name and they laugh at me
Reminding me of all the times I've tried before and failed
The waves they keep on telling me
Time and time again, "Boy, You'll never win!"
"You'll never win!" 

But the Voice of Truth tells me a different story
The Voice of Truth says, "Do not be afraid!"
And the Voice of Truth says, "This is for My glory"
Out of all the voices calling out to me
I will choose to listen and believe the Voice of Truth 

Oh what I would do to have
The kind of strength it takes to stand before a giant
With just a sling and a stone
Surrounded by the sound of a thousand warriors
Shaking in their armor
Wishing they'd have had the strength to stand

But the giant's calling out my name and he laughs at me
Reminding me of all the times I've tried before and failed
The giant keeps on telling me
Time and time again, "Boy, You'll never win!"
"You'll never win!" 

But the Voice of Truth tells me a different story
The Voice of Truth says, "Do not be afraid!"
And the Voice of Truth says, "This is for My glory"
Out of all the voices calling out to me
I will choose to listen and believe the Voice of Truth

But the stone was just the right size
To put the giant on the ground
And the waves aren't looking so high
From on top of them lookin' down
I will soar with the wings of eagles
When I stop and listen to the sound of Jesus
Singing over me

Repeat Chorus

I will choose to listen and believe the Voice of Truth

Broken and Beautiful

Aren't you glad God isn't a perfectionist? Now before you get your theological nose bent out of shape ... let me say --- I believe he is perfect ... but I believe he is not a perfectionist. In the human definition of 'perfectionist' ... intolerant of failure, intolerant of weakness, intolerant of anything but 'Plan A', of the grays in life ... you get the idea. Sad that many of us are taught when we're young that God is this kind of father. 'If you don't behave .... Why, I'll ....' He is so unfairly represented by people who obviously don't know him as well as they may claim ...All you have to do is look at the people he chose to highlight in his book of 'characters' ... The Bible... 

....Moses, who told God 'I know you created me, but I'm just not good enough' -- to his face ... in refusal of a direction God had face-to-face just given him! Moses - a murderer ... and he lived in shame until God changed his heart. 

....Elijah - the great profit of God, who would lose all his nerve and run and hide under a bush afraid of his enemy! He would learn that God would protect him... 

....Peter, the one on whom God 'built his church' and his famous denial! 'I don't know Jesus!' ... would later give up his life for the cause of Christ.

...But my favourite ... David ... King David ... able leader, gifted, inspired by God ... guilty of adultery, murder among a few things. But God called him 'A man after (or striving to be like) God's own heart' ... I believe David understood the true nature of God ... his perfection, with Grace... 

....All of these were highlighted in the Bible, why? Because God wanted us to see how he can use the lives of those that are broken ... guilty ... imperfect ...

Think about it ... when are you most inspired? Hearing how some perfect athlete lost 10 pounds, or how a 300 pound man fought hard through his food addictions to loose 50? Aren't you moved when you hear the stories of people just like you and I who blew it, lost it

.... but got up and started again ...

Proverbs 24:16 says it this way 'No matter how many times you trip them up, God-loyal people don't stay down long; Soon they're up on their feet' The Message Version or more familiar (New Living Version) 'The godly may trip seven times, but they will get up again.'

....Isn't it amazing, and encouraging to think that according to how God sees things --- he doesn't focus on my failures, rather after we fall he asks 'But did you get back up?' That is what HE considers 'righteous'... 

....To God --- brokenness is beautiful. It's something he can more easily work with than ability and talent ...

Some situations I've lived through in the past few years, that I've shared in these blogs (my divorce, loss of friends, loss of family) had left scars on me that I immediately wasn't ready to look at, nor deal with. Even though it would be the best thing for me to allow God to heal them ... I simply wasn't ready. And he understood, though gently leading me anyway.

When I first heard this song - it came to my heart more as a wish 'God could that really be how you see me? Broken yes, but beautiful?'

God has allowed me time ... and started me on a process that brought me as much to a place of giving grace, as grace has been given to me .......

As I am re-acquainting myself with the Grace God has applied to all that I've failed at, I am remembering those who hurt me ... and how perhaps the things they did - are out of their own brokenness. If God could give me grace.... how can I do anything else but give them the same? 

....'I thank you God for all the brokenness in my life ... I thank you because it shatters MY supposed perfection ... and allows your grace and love to flow through my cracks!'.... 

Mark Schultz - Broken and Beautiful

From the album Broken and Beautiful 

There's a businessman, there's a widowed wife
A smiling face with a shattered life
A teenage girl with a choice to make
It's crowded here in church today

And the preacher says as the sermon ends
'Please close your eyes, bow your heads
Is there anyone in need of prayer,
Oh Jesus wants to meet you here'

Cause we all fall short, and we all have sinned
But when you let, God's grace break in

(Chorus) 

It's Beautiful, Beautiful
Come as you are
Surrender your heart
Broken and beautiful 

Well he'd never been to church before
But he came today as a last resort
His world was crashing in
And he was suffocating in his sin

But tears rolled down as hope rushed in
He closed his eyes, raised his hands
Worshipping the God who can
Bring him back to life again

(Chorus)
And it's beautiful, beautiful
Come as you are
Surrender your heart
Broken and beautiful, beautiful
Come as you are
Surrender your heart
Broken and beautiful 

Cause there's nothing more beautiful at all
Than when His sons and daughters call, broken

Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Come as you are
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Come as you are

(Chorus) 
Broken and beautiful, beautiful
Come as you are
Surrender your heart
Broken and beautiful, beautiful
Come as you are
Surrender your heart
Broken and beautiful 
Come as you are
Broken and beautiful, beautiful
Come as you are
Surrender your heart 

Broken and beautiful
Broken and beautiful
Broken and beautiful
Beautiful

Original Date: March 11, 2007

Free!

John 8:32
Then you will know the Truth, and the Truth will set you free. (NIV)

'The Truth shall set you free!!' A simple yet profound statement. It's one of those scriptures you know well. You've heard it so many times, preached from so many mouths, it rattles in your brain and seems to assimilate itself into the ABC's of what you believe. You know it, you can rhyme it off chapter and verse. These kinds of well known truths are deep in your heart, mind and spirit. They are even quoted on TV and are popular 'ditties' in culture. 'The truth shall make you free!' (loud cheering from Oprah's audience in the background … )
 
It's the commonness of the small 't' kind of 'truth' that removes the real meaning from this verse. The high impact Truth I'm digging deeper into here begins with a capital 'T' … it's a name. And His name is Jesus – and he is Truth. Say that familiar verse again with the understanding of WHO the 'Truth' is referring to ('Then you will know the TRUTH, and the TRUTH will set you free') and the statement takes on a whole new meaning, doesn't it?

'So if the TRUTH shall makes me free' you ask (I ask) … 'then how come we often don't feel 'free'?' Simple answer: life comes with its 2 x 4s, its 'curses' and 'blessings', its thorns in the flesh and it's 10 foot walls we constantly hit and our stubbornness seems to never learn to avoid. The impact of these can be devastating to how 'free' we feel. (Feeling being a non-constant state and not to be trusted completely). So why don't we 'feel' free ...

Sin is probably the obvious reason here (always seems to be in the mix somehow?!) – though not necessarily 'obvious sin'. Sometimes it's the stuff we STUFF and try to avoid dealing with that takes away our freedom. Bad judgment, poor choices, anger (at others, ourselves - or at God), resentment, fear, insecurities, and disbelief. The definition of sin, the bible says is 'anything that doesn't please God' - you add your own idea here: ___ ).

Freedom-less-ness can't always be seen from the outside in. We can hide it quite effectively behind our well trained (small 'c') christian persona's. You know, the ones we pull out of our pockets and purses entering the doors of the sanctuary just after we've screamed at our kids in the car on the way to church! It's a pretty common practice, and not much of a secret since most of us are guilty of it. Maybe we've failed as a parent, a spouse, a sibling, a friend, in our own estimation of who we should be, in our response to who God is to us. At some point, most, if not all of us, find ourselves chained by such things. Wondering how we got here, feeling far from God and needing more than anything - to be FREE.

So what is the response to the chains (or results) of sin (obvious or otherwise)? Going back to the scripture above … 'You shall KNOW the Truth, and the Truth shall make you free!'. What was that word again? You shall KNOW the truth … KNOW ... the Truth …. If He's the Truth, don't we KNOW him? We think we do? Don't we know his character, his faithfulness, his compassion, his willingness to forgive, his healing, his joy, his patience, his trustworthiness, is all-knowingness, his all-abundance and grace?

Sometimes I wonder - what exactly do I know? I know my situation, sometimes not a 'happy place to be' is not always perfect. But the bible repeatedly reminds me that my situation doesn't change the exact biblical TRUTH of who He is. And so what does this mean for me? That no matter what I do, or chose, or fail at … here is what I should know ...

... He's FAITHFUL when I'm faithless; he's COMPASSIONATE when my heart is hurt and bruised; He's FORGIVING when I can't forgive or forget; he brings HEALING when I'm tired and wounded; he's full of unexplainable JOY when I'm blinded by tears; he's PATIENT when I think he's finished dealing with anymore of my failures; he's TRUTH WORTHY where others have failed; ALL KNOWING of the things that I think I can hide from others, myself and most of all, him; and he is ALL ABUNDANT and full of grace - eager to provide for me as a good father would, when I am lacking in what I need … Freedom ...

So what should I teach myself to know??? Scripture tells me all about who He is ... and as a result I can know I'M FREE --- despite who I am --- despite my circumstances --- I'M FREE. 
Free to move through this life with all it's good and bad, perfect and imperfect … and KNOW that my freedom is not dependent on my performance, or lack of performance … it's dependent on HIM and WHO HE IS. 

Does freedom change my circumstance? Probably not … but in that reality … KNOWING HIM, MAKES ME FREE of its weight. Transformation of who I am comes as I stand in the freedom he gives me, secure in knowing he is immovable and unchangeable in his love for me - where his character more and more becomes my own. In knowing him, being with him, becoming like him, I experience true freedom from the things I would earlier get so easily bogged down by. Borrowing from my first paragraph ... we are 'assimilated' -- into Him (sorry - reference borrowed from Star Trek and the 'Borg' for my Trekkie friends).
 
Having trouble with the simplicity of this? It doesn't make sense to the human mind, does it? We always think on an 'eye for an eye, tooth for a tooth' level ... if we blew it, we should be the ones to pay, right? God always knew our greatest effort to repay would never sufficient - God needed to send Jesus as our payment - final ... finished ... complete .. perfect. Nothing outstanding on our account. We're in the black!! Everything's covered! His pound of flesh for our penalty. Our human minds can't comprehend someone else paying OUR price, our debt. Only faith can. Jesus paid it - in full. 

The challenge is, and all he asks - is to break the chains to our past, to our mistakes, to our bad choices, to our failures ... learn what he needs us to learn from them - maybe encourage others to do the same in the same spirit he does with us ... and be free! And how do we do this? We must choose to KNOW Him.

FREE
by Steven Curtis Chapman
The sun was beating down inside
the walls of stone and razor wire
As we made our way across the prison yard

I felt my heart begin to race
as we drew nearer to the place
Where they say that death is waiting in the dark
 
The slamming doors of iron echoed through the halls
Where despair holds life within its cruel claws
 
But then I met a man who's face seemed so strangely out of place
A blinding light of hope was shining in his eyes

And with repentance in his voice he told me of his tragic choice
That led him to this place where he must pay the price
 
But then his voice grew strong as he began to tell
About the One he said had rescued him from hell, he said . . .

I'm free, yeah, oh, I have been forgiven
God's love has taken off my chains
and given me these wings
And I'm free, yeah, yeah,
and the freedom I've been given
Is something that not even death
can take away from me
Because I'm free
Jesus set me free

We said a prayer and said goodbye
and tears began to fill my eyes
As I stepped back out into the blinding sun
And even as I drove away I found that I could not escape
The way he spoke of what the grace of God had done
 
I thought about how sin had sentenced us to die
And how God gave His only Son so you and I could say . . .

And if the Son has set you free,
Oh, if the Son has set you free
Then you are free indeed,
Oh, you are really free
If the Son has set you free,
Oh, if the Son has set you free
Then you are free, really, really, free

Oh, we're free, yeah, oh, we have been forgiven
God's grace has broken every chain and given us these wings
And we're free, yeah, yeah, and the freedom we've been given
Is something that not even death can take from you and me
Because we're free, yeah, the freedom we've been given
 
Is something that not even death can take from you and me
Because we're free, oh, we're free
We are free, we are free
The Son has set us free

If the Son has set you free
You are free indeed

Original Date: July 17, 2006